Happiness With A Side Of Tea : Through Heartbreak Comes Lessons

Through Heartbreak Comes Lessons

Several months ago I wrote a post called Okay With Being Single. That was the most intimate detail of my life I shared with you all also my most vulnerable moment. It explained what happened with my previous relationship and how I felt about it. Those feelings only scratch the surface. I reread that post this week and I cried. It's amazing to see how much I've grown and how many pieces I've been able to put back together. There was a part in there where I said "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to learn from this." I believe now I've figured that out and I wanted to share because I think they're important lessons that are very universal. I wish I knew it then but I am very glad I know them now. 



Lesson 1: Sometimes Too Different Isn't Always Good. 

We had nothing in common, and what we didn't have in common we tried to compensate for by learning to love those things. We attempted to get involved in each others activities as well as try to find something we can both enjoy together. However when you're completely different none of that works. So we were left with nothing to really talk about or nothing to really do. Don't get me wrong I am not saying find someone who is exactly like you but it's good to have a few things in common that way you can actually carry on a good conversation. 


Lesson 2: Don't Lose Yourself Loving One Person

This is a mistake so many people make including myself. I lost myself loving one person. I did everything in my power to change myself so he could stay. I made him a priority when in his eyes I was just an option. I put in so much time and effort and got nothing in return. After he left I had no idea who I was, what I was doing or where I was going. Now I realized the importance of making myself a priority it sounds selfish but it's not. I learned that I had to love myself first, protect my heart, and never change who I am or what I believe in for someone else. If someone truly loves you they'd respect that about you and never ask you to compromise who you are as a person to be with them.


Lesson 3: Change Is Good If You're Doing It Together 

Change is inevitable there's not much we can do about it. It's normal for two people in relationships to change but it's better to make that change together. What I wanted a year ago might not be something I want now. It's important to voice those opinions without talking about them it puts your significant other in the dark and makes them feel like they got left behind. It's always to good to talk about things and make sure you still want the same things. 



Lesson 4: Deal With Problems When They Arise Not Months Later 

Ah! The many mistakes we've made and probably a lot of people do make. If somethings wrong you need to address the situation when it happens don't wait till later because by then it might be too late to resolve the issue. I made that mistake and our whole relationship ended up paying for it. I thought if I could deal with the problem myself then it'd be okay except I was never able to deal with it and by the time I told him it was already a lot of damage done that made it hard to fix. Along with this comes the concept of burying the hatchet. Once you've fixed this problem never bring it up again in a new situation leave it in the past. 

Lesson 5: It Takes Two 

This might be a no brainer but once you're in love with someone and are willingly to do just about anything for them it's hard to remember that it takes two. The give and take should be equal. It shouldn't be you putting in so much and your partner barely lifting a finger vise versa. If both of you want to be together then both of you need to try and put in the same amount of effort towards making the relationship work. You can't make excuses for them either if you can do it why can't they. Trust me a one sided relationship doesn't make you happy, it only cause heartbreak and pain that you really don't deserve. 


Lesson 6: If Someone Wanted To Be With You They Would 

This lesson trumps the idea of "Playing Hard To Get" One of my friends told this to be and when he did it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. "Why am I wasting my time trying for someone who makes it obvious that they don't want to be with me?" I've practiced this concept while dating and it helps. If someone wants to be with you they'd try everything in their power to be with you from texting you, calling, making plans to hang out, and etc. Don't waste your time chasing someone who isn't chasing you. 


Lesson 7: When Your Heart Is Ready To Let Go, Let It Go 

Practice what Elsa does in Frozen and Let it go. I've learned now once you've made a decision in your heart to let that person out of your life there is nothing you can do nor they can do to change that. It's just a matter of time till one of you walk out preferably you since your heart is no longer in it. I ignored that warning sign and thought well if we just tried this maybe it'd be different or if he did this instead of this I'd get those sparks back. It took me months and for him to break up with me to realize that's not how it works. Once I told myself I was done with what he was putting me through that should've been the moment I left but I stayed for months to see if it would change. It didn't and by doing that I added more pain and stress on myself I didn't need. 


Lesson 8: You're Not The Same People Coming In As Going Out 

At the ending of the relationship I looked at him and thought this isn't the guy I fell in love with a year ago and I am not the same girl I was then. I don't know why I thought we would be the same people. That's always something to remember don't expect the same people coming out as going in. I am currently finding myself not the person I was then but the person I am going to be now. It's a fun self discovery I have my ex boyfriend to thank for that. 


Lesson 9: Always Protect, Love, & Respect Yourself 

This is the most very important lesson I learned. You're obligated to protect, love and respect yourself first before you  can do that with another person. When you're in a relationship you should never sacrifice these things to be with another person. Always protect your heart, always love yourself first, and always respect your want and wishes never let anyone feel like you don't deserve that. 


Overall I learned to never settle for less than I deserve and I learned to stand up for myself when someone is asking me to compromise who I am to be with them. I believe these realizations have made me happier and free spirited. I am able to love myself completely as well as enjoy my self discovery journey where ever it may take me. It's something I wish I could've done a lot sooner but I am happy I am doing it now. 

What Lessons Have You Learned From Your Heartbreaks?



2 comments:

  1. These are the type of blog posts I enjoy reading! Not recipes or diys or tutorials, but people being real and exposing who they are! Thank you for being so open and transparent and for just being wonderfully you!!!

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    1. Alicia I really appreciate that. Since it's a lifestyle blog I've been wanting and trying to be more open about my life here. It's amazing readers like you that make it so much easier. Thank you.

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