Happiness With A Side Of Tea : Being Okay With Being Single

Being Okay With Being Single

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This was one life changer I definitely wasn't prepared for, however I realize life is unexpected and there's not much I or anyone else can do about it. It's been just about month now since my boyfriend said those heart aching words "I have something to tell you" by the feeling in my stomach I had already knew what it was. I was too in shocked to say much but I heard what he had to say and I just needed time to process it all. I was allowed to ask questions, anything that might have helped me to get closure. The first few days I asked as many questions as possible. I could see that he was in more pain than I've ever seen. He'd kept a lot of his feelings to his self over the course of our relationship, hearing it all come out at once was really heartbreaking. However we let everything all out on the table, I'm not sure about him but I got closure. I heard everything I needed to hear and I understood everything I didn't before. 
Maintaining a long distance relationship is difficult not impossible but it is quite a load to take on. I don't think we were ready for that, it happened a little too soon a little too fast. I realized that it's neither of our faults, a long distance relationship isn't something we had signed up for and it wasn't something we were used to. He has to figure out what he wants in life and now I get the chance to figure out what I want from mine. We don't depose each other, we understand no one is to blame, and we're not bitter about it. I think with all the talking we did about this we truly understood each other, something we haven't been able to do in months. I don't think I wasted 2 1/2 years of my life nor can I regret being with him. I believe everything in life is a lesson, though I am not sure yet what I am supposed to learn from this one. I can't regret something that made me happy. 
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It took a lot to get to the point where I am today. The first few nights I cried like a baby, then a few days after I swore I wanted to kill him, and by a few more weeks I got to this point. I am content with the way things are. I know what really helped me through it is my friends and family. They all made sure if I needed someone to talk to they were there to listen, or if I just needed a little pick me up. They made sure I wasn't locked up in my room all day, they kept a smile on my face, and they reminded me how strong I was. Now I am okay with being single. 
After years in a relationship, I know it's not a good idea to throw myself back into the dating pool. I am so used to having to message someone all the time to tell them where I am and what I am doing. I'm used to constantly worrying if what I am doing is right or wrong. I am used to making sure I am not too selfish or that I don't speak my mind to the point they leave. I'm so worried I might upset them, offend them, or hurt them. I am free of all of that. I can speak my mind, do what I want, and I'm worry free. I don't need a relationship to be happy. 
I am learning to be single again. I'm doing what I love. I'm discovering things about myself I never knew before. I'm enjoying spending time with my family and friends and being in their company. I want to try a whole bunch of new things I never have before. I'd like to get out of my comfort zone and live a little more. I have all these plans and goals I want to accomplish. This new found freedom feels nice. I am learning to love myself. I feel empowered, confident, and free spirited. I'm seeing where life takes me. I'm not worried about finding love or forcing myself to get over him. I'm just taking it day by day and everything will eventually fall into place. 
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